Need to be Needed

Need to be Needed

Today was pretty darn good, aside from the fact I now have a lecture report due, and I'm not sure if I will be able to do it at all... 'cause I'm not so sure about the lectures that are coming up, uh, on Wednesday--I don't think they're Humanities, which is the dicipline I need. But barring that...

Kinda funny... I got my first hug from a guy my age in a looong time today. And yeah, there was a reason for it. Pretty big guy... sweat pants on top of (and falling down) another set of sweat pants (or something similar--we hope), hat on diagonally... not straight, not sideways. Diamond-like stud earrings... shaved head. Pretty nice guy, though. He's in my english class, you see. And he'd been having trouble completing the test on our library skills we all have to do. The requirements say we must have 85%, but his highest score was 79% and the last day to do it was today. So the English prof asked if anyone could sit with him while he did it, and give him a hand. No one was saying yes, and I didn't mind helping, so I said sure. Well, he sure knew how to do everything! He went so speedily! He said it was from already doing it twice, and yes, that's understandable! I think his main problem was not copying and pasting the answers that were links, 'cause he didn't know you could. So when he would just type them in himself, he'd get maybe an extra capital where there wasn't supposed to be one (stupid, hey? that the name of an article on the computer system has the first word capitalized, but subsequent words not capitalized?) Also, I explained a bit more how to use the library's filing system (which is absolutely stupid in my opinion... dewey decimal makes so much more sense) But anyway, we did it, and then had to hurry the end, 'cause a class was coming in to use the computer room at the library, and we looked at his mark, and.... 100%!!! Yay!! (better than I got on mine!) We then barged into our prof's next class to tell her the good news. She laughed and described Evan as a 3-time vetran of the library test, and congratulated us both.
I like helping. I like to feel I'm doing something worthwhile. I like to be thanked for it. I often like a bit of praise for it too, but for the most part, I just get so much out of just *helping* that it is totally worthwhile. I was glowing for so long after that test today. It's why I always go to the boards where people are asking for help on my favorite website to waste time on (heh). It's why I love being a JV leader, and why I'd love to help start a youth group, or some outreach program. It's why I like trying to do things in secret for my mom, or to sort things out (not usually sucessfully in the secret department--that's one thing I need to get better at... doing things even if it's no longer a surprise). I need to feel needed.
I haven't felt too needed lately. It seems like the world would do just fine without Sarah helping it along. And that's probably true. Sometimes it feels like it'd do better without Sarah, but I guess that's not really true.
I'm not always sure when I'm helping though. That's why it's nice to get feedback on some of the things I post here. I'd love it if these posts--especially the devo ones and the challenges, when I get back into the groove of things--could be of use to people. But I don't know if people find them useful, really... Or if there's anything else they'd like to/rather see.
But anyway... What are the higher philosophical implications of needing to be needed? I haven't a clue, but it's something that seems sort of integral to us as humans. We want to be wanted, and need to be needed... um... heh *starts singing*
"I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I'd love you to love me"
okay, I'm signing out before I sing out...
"I'm beggin' you to beg me..." *fades into the distance*